Weigh-In Sunday #1

I open my eyes. The bright rays of sunlight find their way into my eyes. It almost sets my dark, brown eyes on fire, so I close them as fast as I can. No, no, no. I don’t want to wake up. I don’t want to face the harsh reality today, not yet. I try to fall asleep again. I even turn around my pillow, so I can enjoy its cold side, but even this trick won’t work now. I’m wide awake and I know it. I get up, slowly make my way to my closet and get out a bra, top and a legging. I’ll save my little picture-party for later, I think. I look my biggest enemy right in the eye. Well, metaphorically speaking, that is. I know my scales don’t have eyes, but if they did, I’m sure they would look at me furiously. Like an angry school teacher, who just found out you didn’t do your homework. Or like your mother, when you didn’t clean your room even though she told you ten times that you had to. In this case, I would have to explain why I decided to fall back into my old eating habits. My dirty little secret, late at night, when I’m all alone. I would say I didn’t want to, but I just hád to. I’m an emotional eater, and sometimes food is all I have to make me feel better. It’s a medicine, and at the same time a virus. And now it was enough. But before I could start making changes again, I needed to know exactly where I’m at. I needed to face the scales first. I can feel my heart beating underneath my skin. Goosebumps all over my body. Why? It’s just a scale. And I know what it’s going to say anyway. Well, here we go, I guess. What number do I start with this time?

Okay. Breath in, breath out. Take it slow. It’s more than expected, but I haven’t reached the magical number 70 yet. It’s close, though. I can (not so proudly) announce to the world that I weigh 69,8 kg. It’s almost 154 pounds. I know some of you may laugh now. We’re so used to morbidly obese people nowadays that 154 pounds isn’t a shocker anymore. But to me it is. To me, 154 pounds means unhappiness. It means a body that is out of control; poisoned even. I know what I put into it every single day and I want it to stop. Right now. I put on the clothes I laid out on my bed and took a picture. Shameful. I’m not sure whether I’m ready to share it with the world yet. It’s a clear picture of what 69,8 kg looks like. For now, I might keep it in my own personal library. I’ll keep it there to compare newer pictures to, hoping that every single picture I take will be an improvement. Who knows. The road of weight loss is a rocky one. Anyone who tried losing weight can tell you that. Nonetheless, I’m once again trying to make it happen. Why? Well, if we don’t have hopes and dreams to live for, then what else is there, right?

Happy Sunday!

Love,

Anne

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12 thoughts on “Weigh-In Sunday #1

  1. chopnchat says:

    Appreciate with gratitude how far you have come, it will propel you even farther! I am proud of you. Way to go! Check out the Recipes category on my blog for awesome vegan food that your body and spirit will adore and…thanks for visiting veganchopnchat!

    • astoldbyanne says:

      Thank you very much for your comment! I will definitely check out the recipes on your blog some time. I’m a vegetarian, but trying some vegan meals will be nice too! 🙂

  2. michellebelle925 says:

    I’m also struggling to lose weight. I know how you feel about thinking others don’t understand that weighting 154 is a big deal…I peaked at 158, and although I am aware that some people would kill to weigh that much or be my size, it hurts to know that I’ve let myself go that much. I’ve made it down to 151 now. Focus on the progress that you’ve made –and even if you fall back some, you know that you CAN make that progress, and that means a lot!

    • astoldbyanne says:

      Thank you so much for your comment and for following! I’m glad that you can understand what I’m talking about… not many people would, I think. I completely agree with the “it hurts to know that I’ve let myself go that much”. Sometimes I can’t even believe I’m not obese (although I must say I always notice when I’ve been overeating). Congratulations on your weight loss though! 😀 It’s really an amazing job, keep going! I don’t care if the weight is coming off really slowly – as long as it’s going in the right direction! 🙂

  3. cdnwosu says:

    Just started my own blog too about my weight loss journey! i would love for you guys to check it out! Every pounds count no matter how small! keep staying motivated!

  4. Renee says:

    Best to you, don’t let anyone demean your struggle – not even you. If you’re not happy, then your weight is an obstacle you must overcome. 🙂

  5. Zach Olson says:

    I never let myself feel guilty about wanting to be healthier and happier than I am. Weight isn’t the best way to measure health, but it is something that’s easy to check consistently, and we all know where we should be. Plenty of people have it worse than we do, but that doesn’t mean we need to feel bad about wanting to better ourselves. You do a disservice to yourself anytime you let what other people think or might think prevent you from being the best person you can be at any given time. Good luck! I’ll be following along.

    • astoldbyanne says:

      Thank you for your comment and wise words. I think you’re absolutely right. I guess the main reason for me to lose weight is to better myself and be who I always wanted to be before I move to another country and start a new life. All this extra weight isn’t really one of the things I want to take with me haha! Thanks a lot for the follow too, I really appreciate it! 🙂

  6. healthehelen says:

    Good luck on the journey and thanks for the like over at my site – hopefully you can get a few exercise ideas. I’ve still got 9 days left on my challenge this month…….

    • astoldbyanne says:

      Thanks for the comment and the encouragement 🙂 And you’re welcome, I really liked reading it. I’m sure you will be able to complete your challenge, but good luck anyway!

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